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Silence the Silence

To mark the start of Baby Loss Awareness Week (9th-15th October). I will dedicate this post to our baby boy and all his friends who we will never watch grow up.

Since entering the world of baby loss, Tim and I have discovered the loud silence in this world; our hearts are screaming but it is hard to talk about the pain that we feel every day and how much we are missing our little ones. It’s not just the loss that we are grieving for but also of what could have been: our dreams, the future. Sometimes we can speak about our loss(es) and sometimes we can’t. And in my own experience, when I do tell people Alexander’s story, the response I get is often an awkward one. If it’s not awkward then I will get inappropriate responses; not many people get it right and so sometimes it’s just easier to be silent. This doesn’t help and I see it as a vicious circle. Whilst I’m my rational self (this doesn’t happen very often by the way) I can see that people are awkward and respond inappropriately because they simply do not know how to respond. People do not know how to respond because baby loss is still a very silent topic and so the cycle continues.

Consistent with most other parents, my posts are not to gather sympathy or to reach out for help (though I appreciate all your support and for reaching out). In posting our own stories and other stories on baby loss, we are hoping to break the silence. It’s not easy to open our hearts so support us by reading our posts and sharing these. Speaking from my own personal experience (before I entered the baby loss world), reading posts about baby loss is uncomfortable: it made me feel sad and helpless. These are not nice feelings and it’s so much easier not to read these stories. Please be brave and read our stories and pass them on. Understand how we feel, understand the effect of our losses. Reading our stories will empower you with knowledge on what to say and what not to say. Be brave and help us break the silence on baby loss. Support those in the baby loss world who can speak and those who can’t. Give a voice to our babies. Break the taboo, break the silence.

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