My last post for this year is dedicated to all the angels, fairies or very nice humans that we have met since stepping our foot into the baby loss world. Below are only just some examples and this dedication also extends to the countless others who have also been there for us.
If I never believed in fairies before then I definitely believe in fairies now, for we have encountered many of these since August last year. These include the lovely midwife who with another midwife wheeled me on my hospital bed into the NICU at the early hours of the morning to see Alexander. It is the same midwife I had turned to when I was upset during the 16 days Alexander was in the NICU. In the middle of a nightmare, caught in shock and disbelief, it was the same midwife I would turn to who gave me all the time she could and all the care and patience in the world. She went above and beyond her role as a midwife. There was the cohort of nurses at the NICU who helped Alexander give his mummy and daddy foot and hand prints and the plaster cast of his tiny foot. The photographer who created so many beautiful memories for us who also has a brave story of her own, which has and continues to inspire me. The ward co-ordinator who took the trouble to move us to a private room so that we could spend our final night, just the three of us, together. There was the doctor who took the time and trouble to go through medical images with us, despite knowing that it would be time consuming. We had a volunteer counsellor who was available to speak to us and is still the person Tim would contact now. At the gardens where we took Alexander on a retreat to say goodbye, there was a nurse there who supported us. It was the same nurse who met us one year on and could recall exactly where we sat with Alexander, what the weather was like and what we did with Alexander. I couldn’t remember her, but she remembered us.
Back home, we had a brilliant bereavement midwife who taught me how to knit a blanket for Alexander, answered my very particular (and peculiar) questions and when she couldn’t she would find out. She has been by our side since we first met, and I know she will never leave us. There are the brave mummies and daddies and the volunteers that make up and run the support group that Tim and I attend every month. We can’t even express how humbling and how much we feel understood in this group and we appreciate that this wouldn’t be possible without these brave mummies and daddies and the volunteers who give up their time to run this. There’s also the charity which provides specialist counselling which has helped me and Tim through this very difficult time. Our counsellor is fantastic, and I don’t know where we would be without her. Let's also not forget our wonderful GP who has always gone out of her way to support us.
Finally, our families and friends who have supported and looked after us throughout the 16 days we had with Alexander and who have continued to light the candle during the dark, dark days that followed. You have all been there one way or another – from baking and cooking for us, reading to Alexander, replying to my endless messages, random calls, sending me the odd email/message to check if I’m ok. None of you has judged and your patience must be endless. You have all been there for us.
It’s not been easy, and it hasn’t got easier. There are times that I feel very hard done by but during this time, we have met some truly amazing people and have discovered what it means to have family and friends. Angels, fairies or very nice humans? You mean the world to us.