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These past few weeks have meant an unprecedented increase in workload and working out how to do everything remotely: virtual teaching, virtual coffee breaks, zoom and skype meetings. Everybody I talk to, except my husband Tim, is now behind a screen and I am still none the wiser about the wonders of technology. I am beginning to hate my computer and I am worried about my sisters - two of whom are NHS key workers, one on the frontline helping COVID-19 patients as we speak. I am worried about my elderly parents and I am missing my nieces, my nephews, my sisters-in-law, my friends. My increased workload has also meant that for the first 2 weeks, I have barely ventured out for fresh air let alone exercise - no chance of me not adhering to the rules!

Despite these, the massive headaches from too much screen time, and a recent bust-up with Tim, its great knowing that you can switch people off when they get too annoying (or boring) and blame technology; it’s been useful discovering that alcohol gel gets rid of most stains (perhaps not the best use of this gel gold) and I was really good at online shopping anyway. Casting aside the enormity of the situation outside the safety of our homes, I am actually quite enjoying being at home. This is the first time that I have spent this length of continuous time at home. It’s made me appreciate the home that I’ve built with Tim; a small home but to us, our castle, our safety. It’s made me appreciate every flowering weed in the garden, the rain, how beautiful the birds sing and everything that I have. Everything I have and a little boy I don’t. Forgetting the graveness of the current situation, I can’t imagine anything better than lockdown with Tim and Alexander inside our castle. What I wouldn’t do to have Alexander distracting me so that I don’t get any work done, what I wouldn’t do to keep him busy, clean his dirty hands, wipe his tears and make him smile. This is our second Easter without him and we miss him even more. We love you and we miss you more with every year that passes. Happy Easter Alexander.

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This is a poem I wrote for Alexander which I read out at the Snowdrop Remembrance Service today. I miss Alexander so much. I will always wonder where he is but every now and again, there's a reminder


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