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Two and not One

It's been a while since I posted on here. This is a poem I wrote for the CHUMS Snowdrop Service in December last year. "Guilt" is a good word that pretty much sums up how I feel. I feel guilty that I couldn't protect Alexander, I feel guilty that I couldn't do more for him. During this past year, I feel guilty that I have less time doing some of the things I usually do for Alexander.

A good friend of mine recently told me that she would feel guilty when she spends her time with one of her two children and not the other. And of course, when she spends time with the other, she would feel guilty too. When she takes time for herself, she would feel guilty for not spending time on both her children! Perhaps, it's just being a mother..

Two and not One

Written by mummy for Alexander the Greatest

My not so baby Alexander

You have a baby brother

I know I shouldn’t but I do

Compare your brother and you

Your personalities I cannot compare

But I see the features you both share

Although you have a brother

This is not to replace or to recover

Nor would it be possible

As you are irreplaceable

Sometimes you may see me holding your bother extra tight

That’s because 3 years ago I fought something big but lost the fight

And the many kisses you see I give your brother

Don’t just belong to him but to you too Alexander

My time you must now share

With your brother who I know you love and care

Some things are different now

But my love for you I vow

Will always be there and grow

That, I hope you will always know

Your brother and you are my everything

My world, my universe; the only treasures I cling

In my heart you both weigh the same

Where you both keep alight my flame

One I see and one I cannot

tied with daddy and me in one knot

Our tie is forever and can never be undone

I have two sons and not just one

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